...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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