i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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