i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
