She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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