dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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