What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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