I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
