his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
