ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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