I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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