walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
