my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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