guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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