Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
