If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
home. puking in laundry basket.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
