i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
