we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
