I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
