There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
