He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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