there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
