Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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