after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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