Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
