So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
