There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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