yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
