I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My vagina just clenched in fear
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