dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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