it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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