In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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