i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize