nut hugger
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
