I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
