Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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