Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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