Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
