eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
