I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
