I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
