Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
