Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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