I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.