Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.