She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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