i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
