There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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