You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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