I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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