Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
