I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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