My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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