He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
