im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
