I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
