Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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