At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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