apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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