Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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