Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
