What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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