When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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