His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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